Where is the best place to shop in Frankfurt Hahn ?

Stranded in Frankfurt Hahn. Not the best place to be when volcano ejafajajokkoul (or whatever the spelling is) shut the airports down. It was Friday April 16th, 2010 and I was making my way home to Cork via Hahn Kerry after a German business trip. Decision time. I had a rental car and lodged the previous night at My Place Hotel in Lautzanhausen, a short walk from Hahn airport (the 800 metres I see advertised is a little misleading).

I walked up to the airport and discovered that I would not be flying that day. And there you are. The disadvantages of using a regional airport. One flight a day to Kerry. Armed with the knowledge that I was hanging around for another day I walked over to Hertz and kept the car for another day. Then back to the hotel I went. And after some work, calls to the family and ablutions, I went shopping.

Lautzenhausen is not a shopping destination. Either is Hahn airport. So off I went in my mietwagon in search of a proper shop. And after a few stops, some walking, and recce’s on what turned out to be some really crap shops, I discovered Norma. Norma u beauty. Like an oasis in the desert.

Before I go much further let me say that I travel light. A small bag with laptop on one side and shirts, boxers and socks on the other side; a few toiletries in the front pocket. So by Friday 16th July I needed some supplies: lynx, toothpaste etc. The clothes I had washed in the sink with hotel shampoo were drying on the heater while I went forraging.

Back to Norma. Think Lidl and Aldi at regional German prices and you get the idea. Norma is not a woman but to me she represented beauty in the form of commodities. After a good wander and loading up a basket with toothbrush, Axe (lynx), toothpaste, water etc. I came back to the tempting call of a bottle of 2007 Spanish Tempranillo-Garnacha. Badged with a prominent sehr gut sticker at an unbelievable sub 3 euro a bottle I began to suspect foul play, but reminded myself that I had been surprised by inexpensive wine in Germany before. Particularly Italian and Spanish wines seem to offer great value in Germany I have found. So in the trolley it went. And it was enjoyed with my brother in law in England the following night and we both remarked at its quality for an astounding price. So Norma, until next time, auf wiedersehen !

airport kerry – eat in the kitchen diner first then leave the kingdom on a plane

Yes, there is an airport in Kerry. But its not what you might call a “normal” airport. And that is not a bad thing. In fact it’s a very good thing. Because kerry airport is a bus stop for planes. OK, its actually more like a bus station. It’s on the side of a main road, the service counter is straight ahead of you when you walk in the main (only) door, there is no chic coffee dock or any of that needless crap – just a nice sit down kitchen dining room (to call it a restaurant somehow does not feel appropriate) with a running buffet style stainless steel pipe runner track onto which you place your molded tray and pick from a reasonable selection of basically home made food. Yes, they have the stainless steel tea pots and you can get a pot for one. So if its a morning flight you are taking and you are like me then a nice pot of tea for one, a couple of slices of toast and butter will do fine. Its not cheap but its not airport expensive. Its probably what you would pay at a bus station. And the kitchen diner is close to check in. Very close. So if you have big bags then you will appreciate the short distance from the front door of the place to check-in to brekkie. And then there is the jacks, bog, loo, head or whatever you want to call it.

Most of us want to visit the jacks before disembarking. Once you are finished the tea and toast you walk out the kitchen door and take a left. If you stand to use the jacks then take a left, all others keep right.

The mens room on the left has some design flaws. The door opens into a sink. The sink worktop seems to have been cut at an angle as an afterthought, to allow the door open in, but maybe it was planned that way. There is one sit down cubicle and to get to it you have to get around the opening in door. I favour a sit-down cubicle in case I need to go for a no.2 as I am not fond of crapping in the air; a secondary consideration in favour of cubicle use before flying is that I am trying to develop further money saving habits in advance of Michael O’Leary’s seemingly inevitable charge for crapping in the sky.

if Hans or George are washing their hands at the time you enter the rest room in kerry airport then it will take a bit of negotiation to close the door and wedge yourself into the angled sink worktop and close the door. It may actually be impossible to get in without Hans or George moving. If they do move then you may have a short wait while Hans or George rinse the soap off their hands. In general people do not like moving their soapy hands away from a sink until they are finished with their ablutions but maybe George or Hans are different. Either way expect delays getting into the jacks at kerry airport if there is someone using the sink. Matters are made worse if you are hauling check in luggage into the jacks. Do NOT take big bags into the jacks at kerry airport : you have been warned.

Another mens room design flaw at kerry airport is the location of the window. Now there is no issue with the height of the window or its translucency. You need not be worried about some wierdo checking out your jacks habits through the window. However the window is normally open and the smoking area is directly outside. Thoughtful kerry airport planners (let’s call them Milo and Seamus to get a sense for what the planning board might have comprised of) installed a seating area outside the jacks windows and while you might enjoy the banter outside you might not enjoy the smell of fags wafting into the cubicle as you enjoy a good shite.

Take the hahn kerry flight and discover the difference between a kerry airport bog and a fine German bog. Somehow the kerry airport bog is more human and interesting.

hahn kerry – the airports – not the poet

There is a flight from Kerry in Ireland to Frankfurt Hahn on Ryanair.

The flight departs Kerry at 9AM Irish time every day and as far as I am aware the plane on this route is always a Boeing 737-800. While some people couldn’t give a “toss” (to borrow an expression Michael O’Leary seems partial to) what plane they are travelling on, for some of us it’s important because it means that the plane is not a puddle jumper or prop but a proper jet (with 3 seats on either side of the aisle). For more details on the plane see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boeing_737-800#737-800.

The Kerry Hahn flight time is 1 hour 50 minutes. The Hahn Kerry flight takes 2 hours. Don’t know why there is 10 minutes difference but presumably its something to do with winds or maybe its simple logistics or Kerry airport just being more efficient.

This hahn kerry flight is a great service to the many people who use it. It brings two relatively remote communites in different parts of Europe to within small hours of each other. And it’s cheap. Whatever your bitch is about Michael O’Leary, you can’t say that his flights are not cheap (particularly if you are organised, which clearly some people are not). Ditch the check in luggage, bring your own sandwich if you really have to eat, avoid paying to priority queue to get a better seat since in one respect at least its a bit redundant as plane boarding happens quickly (and I can’t understand this scramble for seats anyway unless you have a family with young kids or are travelling with someone who has special needs and need a group of seats together).

While hahn and kerry airports could be considered remote, they are small, and this means less of your time and my time spent fluffing around other larger airports. Hahn and Kerry are easy to get to, are away from snarling traffic jams, are situated in rural surroundings and have relatively cheap parking.

If you have ever been to kerry airport its like going to a shop. You are driving down the (straight road) and lo and behold there is a sign for an airport – could have been a sign for a shop, but no, it’s an airport. It looks a bit like a shop with one of those corrugated sheds attached. Not a bog standard corrugated shed, a nice one; still if it was attached to a coop superstore it wouldn’t surprise you. Most airports I have been through are set back a long way from the road. You need to drive into them. Kerry airport is a bit like a filling station forecourt, you just turn right shortly after you have left the killarney tralee road. And there it is. There are no 500 or 1000 yard roadways bringing you into into kerry airport proper. Its just there. You will love it. Walk in, check in, turn right again into the cafe – get a nice cup of tea and sausgage sandwich. 10 minutes from walking in to sipping and eating. Why don’t they build all airports like shops. Easy in easy out. There has to be some cute whoorism going on in Kerry and in Kerry airport in particular – only in Kerry do you get to go to a shop and end up in hahn germany. Alice through the looking glass meets spillane looks at hahn. Recently I passed a guy walking on the footpath from the Killarney Tralee road. He was clearly going to the airport. Something about his bag and aura of purpose gave him away. Not many people walk to airports do they ? Or am I out of touch ?